Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach
ABOUT ME
I am a Master’s level clinician who has also experienced the devastation that is narcissistic abuse firsthand, originally within my family of origin. The need to figure out what was wrong with my family system led me on my educational and professional path, where I continue to focus on learning as much I can about Human Psychology, Cluster B disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD)), family systems and relationships. I received my Masters from Texas A&M International University in 2006 and have twenty years experience in the field.
It is now known that having childhood exposure to narcissistic abuse sets one up for tolerating narcissistic romantic partners. So in addition to seeing how it affected my family of origin, extended family, and affects many of my clients, in my personal experience, I continued to learn up close and personal, what romantic narcissistic abuse entails and the absolute havoc it wreaks on lives. How did this happen to me despite knowing so much about the disorder, you ask? For one thing, the DSM criteria does not do narcissism any justice. It does not expound upon the criteria in a way that explains HOW narcissism shows up in relationships. Complicating matters, how someone engages in narcissistic abuse varies, and not all of the behaviors and tactics are the same. But more importantly, to answer your question, I hadn’t healed the core wound within myself that created a tolerance to highly toxic manipulation tactics. This is an important part of protecting yourself.
As a mental health professional, and at times, a therapy client myself (we all need adjustments to continue successfully on our paths towards self-actualization), I learned that not every mental health professional is versed in narcissistic abuse. Actually, few are. Our relationship coaching is an effort to decrease this underrepresentation. We do offer coaching for other course of life issues and it is not limited to narcissistic abuse. If you are wondering if our coaching is the right fit for you, please feel free to reach out to me to discuss your needs. We have worked with clients, male and female, from all walks of life. No one is immune to being on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse or finding themselves in an unhealthy relationship and unsure as to how to heal and proceed. My coaches do offer a complimentary ten minute consultation over zoom, should you choose.
DEFINING THE TERM
WHAT IS NARCISSISTIC ABUSE?
Narcissistic abuse is comprised of a number of maladaptive coping strategies, thinking errors, and defense mechanisms which, when utilized, are abusive to others. As narcissism exists on a spectrum, anyone can engage in some of these behaviors some of the time. It is the frequency, intensity and duration of these toxic behaviors, as well as their resistance to change, that sets apart an individual with some infrequent maladaptive coping strategies, thinking errors, and defense mechanisms from someone who is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or a related disorder) and from someone predominantly narcissistically abusive. You can have a narcissistic family member, partner, sibling, adult child, friend or boss. The kind of relationship you have also determines how narcissism will show up in it.
HOW CAN WE HELP?
SEEKING HELP FOR NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
So what is in a name? Why does it help to have a name to what you are experiencing or have experienced? Simply, naming things helps us know how to handle them. When you take your car to the mechanic because you can no longer rely on it, you first attempt to tell him/her what you have been experiencing. It’s hard to do when you don’t have the language or the terminology for it. Your car makes a clunk clunk sound or a click, click when you turn the key or press on the gas. You know things just aren’t right and that it’s acting funny, but you don’t know what it is. Your mechanic runs a systems check/analysis on it and tells you what they think is going awry. They give you a name for it. But a name for it is not enough. Now you have to fix it. You are then given some of your options and YOU decide how to proceed. Narcissistic abuse recovery life coaching works just like that- It gives you the language, helps you identify your options, weigh them, and establish steps to following through on whatever option is right for you. It guides you on how to repair the engine and take preventive measures, should you choose to take these steps, so it doesn’t leave you on the side of the road again, stranded on a dark night in the cold rain. It teaches you to pay attention to the signs that something just isn’t quite right so that you might choose to act faster should there be a next time. An ethical life coach will never tell you what option is right for you. Only you know the answer to that.
Our role is not to diagnose anyone in your life as having NPD or related cluster B disorder. Our role is to educate you on behaviors common to narcissistic abuse, and are toxic to you and anyone else exposed to them (i.e. children). Our role is to help you identify how these behaviors are impacting or have impacted you. Our role is to explore healthy and unhealthy relationship characteristics and what it is you want for yourself. Someone who does not meet the criteria for a diagnosable disorder can still engage in toxic behavior that is abusive and from which one must protect themselves.
Victims of narcissistic abuse can experience a number of effects, ranging from psychosomatic ailments like headaches, stomach aches, chronic muscle pain, metabolic and adrenal disorders, irritable bowel to PTSD or CPTSD- like symptoms such as flashbacks, numbing, dissociation, nightmares, self-harm. Some can have thoughts of suicide. I have been here, too. I was so physically sick, it almost killed me. I made changes in my life and my life has improved exponentially since, both professionally and personally, and continues to do so. Our role as a relationship coach is to assist you in identifying goals (i.e. creating boundaries, improving self-worth, overcoming ‘analysis paralysis’, identifying and breaking patterns, etc.) to help you realize your own full potential.
**Life coaching is not therapy and it is not designed to treat serious mental health concerns. If serious concerns present themselves, we may discuss a referral out and I am happy to hold your place or work in conjunction with your therapist. I have chosen to go the life coaching route for this particular niche because it allows me to reach and be of service to a larger pool of people who may really need it because they have struggled to find anyone who understands what happened to them, but I cannot practice therapy in this manner. Therapy and Life Coaching are separate entities and must remain that way. If you need a referral out, this is something we can figure out together.
STOP DIGGING FOR RAINBOWS
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